This guide is a companion to the general 15–17 guide. Read that one first for the shared framework — this one goes deeper on the specific ways young women are targeted, the tactics that are used, and what those situations can look and feel like from the inside.
The statistics are stark: the vast majority of grooming victims are young women. That is not because young women are weaker or more naive — it is because the tactics used are specifically designed to work on human needs that are universal, and that society often tells young women they should be defined by: the need to be chosen, to be loved, to be seen as attractive, to be mature, to be special to someone.
None of what you read here is about blaming you. It is about making you harder to exploit.
Section 1How Young Women Are Specifically Targeted
The general grooming process — building trust, making you feel special, gradual escalation, secrecy, isolation — applies to everyone. But the specific hooks used on young women are different from those used on young men. Understanding the specific hooks gives you a better chance of recognising them.
The most common hook is the feeling of being chosen.
Society puts enormous pressure on young women to be attractive, to be desirable, to be picked. Groomers know this and use it deliberately. The attention feels like validation. Being told you're beautiful, mature, special — that someone older and more experienced has chosen you above everyone else — can feel genuinely flattering at first.
That feeling is the hook. It is not a reflection of your worth. It is a tactic.
Specific tactics used to target young women
- Excessive flattery about appearance — you're so beautiful, so mature, not like other girls
- Presenting themselves as a boyfriend or romantic interest — the "loverboy" approach
- Using gifts, money, alcohol or drugs to create obligation and dependency
- Targeting girls who are in care, isolated, or going through difficulty at home
- Meeting in public places — town centres, shopping areas, vape shops — and building trust there first
- Moving quickly to a sexual relationship, then using that relationship to introduce other men
- Using shame, embarrassment and fear of family reaction to stop you reporting
- Requesting or pressuring you to send intimate images — then using them as leverage
- Making you feel responsible for their feelings — "you'll destroy me if you leave"
- Framing abuse as love — "this is what people who love each other do"
- Using other girls already in the network to recruit you — making it seem normal and safe
- Moving the relationship online to platforms your parents can't see
Section 2Coercive Control — What It Actually Looks Like
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour in a relationship that takes away your freedom and makes you dependent. It is often invisible from the outside — and from the inside it can feel like love, care, or protection, especially at first.
It is a criminal offence in the UK. It does not require physical violence to be real, serious and harmful.
- Isolation. Gradually cutting you off from friends and family — making you feel like they don't understand you, or that they're against the relationship, or that you're better off with just them.
- Monitoring. Checking your phone, your location, your messages. Wanting to know where you are at all times. Getting angry when you can't be reached.
- Controlling what you wear or do. Telling you that you dress too provocatively, that you shouldn't talk to certain people, that your behaviour reflects on them.
- Financial control. Giving you money and then using that to create obligation. Controlling whether you have access to money.
- Emotional manipulation. Making you feel guilty for their moods, their behaviour, their unhappiness. "If you loved me you wouldn't..." Being made to feel responsible for them.
- Threats. Threatening to share images, tell your family something, hurt themselves, or hurt you if you don't comply or if you try to leave.
- Minimising and gaslighting. Being told that what happened wasn't serious, that you're overreacting, that you're imagining it, that you're crazy for being upset.
Signs a relationship might be coercive
- I feel like I'm walking on eggshells — scared of making them angry or upset
- I've stopped seeing friends or family because it causes problems with them
- I feel like I can't say no — or that saying no has consequences
- They check my phone, my location or my messages
- I feel responsible for their moods and emotions
- They've threatened to share images or information if I don't do what they want
- I feel like I'm a different, smaller version of myself since this relationship started
- I've been told that what I've experienced isn't real, or that I'm overreacting
If you recognise any of this — talk to someone. Childline, the CONCERN button, a trusted adult. You don't need to have everything figured out before you reach out.
Section 3Image-Based Abuse
Image-based abuse — sometimes called revenge porn, though that term wrongly implies choice — is one of the fastest-growing forms of harm against young women. It includes the sharing of intimate images without consent, the creation of deepfake images, and using images as leverage to coerce someone into doing things they don't want to do.
If someone is threatening to share intimate images of you
This is called sextortion. It is a crime. The person doing it — not you — is the criminal. It does not matter how the images were taken or shared originally. What matters is that sharing them without your consent is illegal, and threatening to share them to get something from you is blackmail.
Do not give them what they want. Complying almost never makes it stop — it usually makes the demands escalate. Do not delete the messages — they are evidence. Report it immediately to the police (101 or 999 if you feel in immediate danger), to Childline, or to the Revenge Porn Helpline (0345 6000 459).
If you are under 18 and intimate images of you exist online, you can use the Childline Report Remove tool to request their removal — even without involving police if you prefer.
Sending intimate images — understanding the risks
It is completely normal to navigate questions about intimacy and trust in relationships at your age. But it is worth understanding the reality of image sharing before it becomes a problem.
What you need to know
Once an image leaves your device, you have no control over it. It can be saved, shared, screenshotted or uploaded at any point — even if the person promises not to, even if they delete it in front of you, even if you trusted them completely at the time.
If you are under 18, any intimate image of you is illegal to share — by anyone, including you. This is not intended to criminalise young people — it is the law that protects you. If someone shares or threatens to share images of you, they are the one breaking the law.
If you have sent an image and you're worried about it — talk to Childline. They will not judge you, and they can help you access the Report Remove tool to try to get images taken down.
Section 4Appearance, Identity and Exploitation
Young women face enormous and relentless pressure about how they look. Social media, advertising, entertainment — all of it sends the same message: your value is tied to your appearance. This pressure is real, it is harmful, and it is deliberately exploited by people who want to control or abuse you.
Your appearance is not your value. Anyone who treats it as currency is not safe.
A person who leads with compliments about how you look — who makes you feel validated primarily through comments about your body or your attractiveness — is using appearance as a tool. It is a technique designed to make you feel that their attention is contingent on you maintaining their approval.
People who genuinely care about you are interested in who you are, not just what you look like. That distinction is worth paying attention to.
This does not mean that compliments about appearance are always sinister — they're not. It means that when appearance is the primary currency of a relationship, and when you start feeling anxious about maintaining it, that is worth examining honestly.
Social media algorithms amplify content that makes young women feel inadequate about their appearance, because inadequacy drives engagement. Understanding that you are being deliberately made to feel not good enough — by platforms built to profit from that feeling — is its own form of protection.
Section 5Radicalisation — How Young Women Are Targeted
Radicalisation is not only a risk for young men. Young women are recruited into extremist movements — including religious extremist groups, far-right organisations, and online communities that promote hatred. The tactics are the same as grooming: find vulnerability, offer belonging, gradually introduce ideology, isolate from challenge.
Young women are sometimes recruited specifically to support male members of extremist groups — as partners, as recruiters of other young women, or as facilitators. Being in a relationship with someone who holds extreme views, and being gradually pulled towards those views, is a specific risk.
Signs of radicalisation to watch for — in yourself or a friend
- Increasingly expressing contempt or hatred towards a group of people — of a different religion, ethnicity, sexuality or political view
- A partner or close friend whose views are becoming more extreme — and who is pulling you towards those views
- Being told that violence against certain people is justified or deserved
- Spending increasing time in online spaces where only one extreme view is expressed
- Being asked to recruit other young women into a group or community
- Feeling that leaving a group or ideology would be a betrayal of your identity or relationships
Section 6If Something Is Happening to You
If you are reading this and recognising your own situation — that takes courage. The fact that you're questioning it, looking for language for it, trying to understand it means you haven't lost yourself.
- You are not to blame. It does not matter what you did, what you said, what you wore, what you sent, or how long it went on. Exploitation is the responsibility of the person doing the exploiting.
- You don't have to have it all figured out before you reach out. You don't need to be certain, or have proof, or know exactly what you want to happen. You just need to tell someone.
- Leaving is the hardest part — and it can be dangerous. If you are in a relationship where there is coercion, control or threats, do not try to end it without support. Talk to someone first. Leaving without a plan can escalate danger.
- What happened to you is not who you are. Abuse changes people. It leaves marks. But it does not define you, and it does not have to be the permanent shape of your life.
Grooming is specifically designed to make you feel responsible. That feeling is a symptom of what was done to you, not a reflection of reality.
You deserve support, not judgement. Ask for it.
Section 7How to Get Help
🆘 HELP Button
Immediate need on this platform. Goes directly to a real person. Use it when you need help right now.
⚠️ CONCERN Button
For anything worrying you. A safeguarding professional responds within 24 hours. Confidential.
📷 Revenge Porn Helpline
For image-based abuse. Confidential. revengepornhelpline.org.uk
🌐 CEOP
Online sexual exploitation. Report directly to specialist police at ceop.police.uk
🚨 999
If you are in immediate danger right now. Always the right call when your safety is at immediate risk.
🌐 Report Remove
Remove intimate images online. Childline Report Remove — under 18s only.
The buttons are always here
HELP for immediate need. CONCERN for anything worrying you. Both go to real people. Neither will judge you.
Part of the VML Digital Safety Ecosystem | Safeguarding Library | General 15–17 Guide